Pain
by StarFlight-Of-NightWings
Summary: I sat on the cliff and looked down at my phone. All the times I had been ditched for someone else were recorded on that screen. I sighed. I sent a message and turned off my phone. If Felix showed up, I'd postpone it. If he didn't... He would never even get to say goodbye. Pewds x OC pairing. Rated teen for suicide and self harm.
1. Chapter 1: If I Stay

**Hey guys. New fic. I'm not entirely sure what inspired it, but here it is. **

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I stared down at my phone in silence. A cool breeze from the ocean crashing against the cliff where I sat blew through my hair as I stared at the text bubbles between me and my best friend.

I sighed and typed a message. _Meet me at our spot in 15 minutes. I'm gonna do it. _I pressed send and turned the phone off.

The wind sent shivers down my spine and arms. I raised the gun in my right hand to my head and waited.

After the 15 minutes had passed, I sighed and looked down at the phone in my hand. Ditched again. I closed my eyes and felt the wind in my hair one more time before I died. Before I could pull the trigger I heard an achingly familiar voice calling out to me.

"NO!"

I turned to look and saw Felix running out towards me. I smiled as he sat beside me and spoke quietly.

"Don't do it. You have so much to live for."

I looked over at him with teary eyes.

"You came... You actually came..."

My right arm slowly fell to my side and the gun fell to the ground with a heavy thud.

Felix sighed in relief and looked at me with a smile. He looked out at the sunset and slumped slightly.

I leaned closer and poked his shoulder.

He turned to face me and I swiftly leaned in and pressed my lips against his. He grunted in surprise, but after a moment kissed me back.

I pulled away and looked at the sunset.

I felt the wind through my hair and closed my eyes again.

Felix's arm snaked around my waist and he hugged me closer.

"So, you were really going to do it?"

I nodded.

"Are you still going to do it?"

I nodded again.

"Can I ask you something?"

I nodded again, puzzled.

"Can I have one night to convince you not to?"

"Will you promise not to break my heart afterwards?"

He nodded and squeezed my side. I hesitated, but sighed and nodded.

He hugged me closer and kissed me on the cheek.

I opened my eyes and we just sat, watching the sunset, wrapped in each other's warmth.

When the sun dipped below the horizon, Felix stood up and pulled me to my feet. He twined my fingers in his. I blushed slightly and looked down at my feet.

My hair fell around my face and formed a curtain between me and Felix. He stopped and pushed the hair out of my face. He lifted my chin and looked down at me.

He was a few inches taller, but he could look down at me and give me butterflies. He looked into my face and seemed to drink in my features. He smiled and brushed my hair behind my ear.

"Don't hide your face anymore. I want to see it."

I blushed and looked down. He lead me to his house and pulled me inside. He sat on the couch and pulled me down beside him. He held both my hands in his and looked into my eyes.

"Listen to me. You are beautiful, talented, smart, and amazing."

I shook my head and looked down.

"No I'm not. I'm ugly, talent-less, stupid, and worthless."

He lifted my chin and looked into my eyes.

"Not to me. You mean everything to me."

He leaned in and pressed his lips onto mine. I closed my eyes and kissed him back. He pulled away and pulled me to my feet. He held up a finger and trotted out of the room.

"I hope you're not ruining his life."

I looked up and hissed.

Lily stood in the corner and smirked. She pulled my sleeves down and held them tightly.

Lily just walked slowly over to me and grabbed my arm. She yanked my sleeves down and pulled out her knife.

I tried to drag my arm away when Felix trotted back.

He gave me a peck on the cheek and handed me a stack of clothes.

"Put these on."

I smiled and walked over to the bathroom. I slipped into the cool clothes. It was a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I slipped the sweatshirt over my head and smiled softly. It was a shirt with a closed fist and "Brofist" written on the front.

It was cool and soft against my skin. I left the bathroom, closing the door softly behind me.

Felix swept me up and kissed my cheek again. I giggled and leaned my face against the crook of his neck.

His hair brushed my face, sending shivers down my spine. I felt him carry me up the stairs and into a room. He gently laid me down on a cool, soft surface.

I opened my eyes and glanced around the room. A few posters lined the walls, and a computer sat in the corner.

I looked at Felix and smiled. He laid beside me and curled around me.

I laid my hand on his chest and snuggled my face into the crook of his neck. He wrapped his arms around me and held me gently.

I felt myself slipping into sleep with a warm, fuzzy feeling drifting through my body.

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**I don't know what dark depths of horror and death and awful writing this crawled up from, but I know it's bad. But, it's a new fic, so I hope it goes well. Bye guys. -Starflight**


	2. Chapter 2: Memories

I raced through the maze, twisting and turning. I had to get out, had to find the end...

Suddenly, the walls came crashing down around me. I was left falling into empty space.

I heard someone screaming my name and looked around. I was suddenly hanging by my fingertips on a ledge. Felix was sitting above me and reaching down towards me. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he stretched towards me.

"Sarah! Grab my hand!"

He was leaning at an angle that if I grabbed his hand, he would fall. I looked below me and found a river with tall, sharp rocks. I looked up at him with tears in my eyes.

"Goodbye, Felix."

I let go and pushed away from the cliff. I fell on my back and looked up at Felix. He was sobbing and screaming my name. I hit the stones on my back and was met with searing agony, trailing throughout-

I sat up with a gasp. The cold air hit me and sent shivers through my body.

Felix sat up beside me and laid a hand on mine. I leaned into him and took a deep breath. I couldn't let go of the image of Felix's terror-stricken face.

He gently held me to his chest and rubbed my back. I felt his bare chest against my cheek and his warmth. He radiated warmth. I nuzzled his chest and sighed.

He held me and hummed soothingly. After a moment I pulled away and laid back down.

I was tired, almost like I hadn't slept at all. I looked at the time on my phone and found 10:15 scrawled across the top of the screen. I closed my eyes and sunk into the pillow. I drifted slowly into-

My eyes snapped open and I glared at the screen. Still 10:15. I swore quietly and sat up.

Felix draped a jacket around my shoulders and stood, walking from the room. I stood up quickly and trotted after him. I caught up with him and twined our fingers.

He laughed and stopped beside the bathroom door. "Are you planning on a shower with me?" I blushed and yanked my hand away, spinning on my heel and striding down the hall towards the kitchen.

I put some coffee in the maker and waited. I stood by the pot and leaned against the counter, deep in thought.

What if I did take a shower with him?

I imagined Felix naked, his cool, smooth curves and slim frame, slimming down to his hips... I shook my head and and turned back to the coffee.

The pot was full and steaming. I needed to wake up and pulled a mug down from the cabinet. I thought back to the last time I had been here for coffee.

"Hey Felix, where are the mugs?"

He pointed to a cabinet and mumbled something faintly resembling, "in there" and rested his chin on his hands.

I opened the cabinet and pulled down two mugs and filled one with coffee and one with cold water. I walked over to Felix and handed him the one with cold water.

He took a deep drink and spat it out into the mug. I laughed and took it back, washing it out and filling it with coffee.

I got out the milk and sugar and creamer and set them beside his mug. He glared at me playfully and I smirked.

"Pay attention next time!" He giggled and put some creamer in his mug and stirred with a spoon. I mixed some creamer into my own coffee and sat across from Felix.

He was staring into space and smiling faintly. I snapped my fingers and poked his chest. He turned to look at me and smiled.

"Why the deep thinking?"

He smiled dreamily and sighed.

"Marzia."

I smiled and bit back a sigh as he smiled.

"How are you two doing?"

He blushed faintly and smiled shyly.

"I'm thinking of proposing."

It felt like someone had ripped my heart out and stabbed it.

I took a deep drink of my coffee to keep from sobbing. My best friend, off to get married. The one I love, off to get married.

I closed my eyes as I replaced my cup on the counter. The thoughts running through my head were muffled and blurred by emotion.

"What do you think?"

I sighed and looked down. My eyes still closed, I fought the tears with my life, not wanting Felix to know of my objections.

I turned my face towards the counter and thanked the gods my bangs were long enough to form a curtain between me and Felix.

I thought for a moment and spoke softly.

"I think if she makes you happy, it's an amazing idea."

He spoke happily to the curtain of bangs and my tear-stained cheeks.

"Thanks! I was worried you would hate the idea."

I do hate it. I thought, biting my tongue.

"Why would I hate it?"

He took a sip of his coffee and set the cup down.

"You always give her strange looks whenever she's around."

So he noticed... Whenever Marzia was with Felix, I would give her a look of jealousy and hatred when no one was looking. I finished my coffee and washed out my mug.

"Oh. That. Um... It was just... Pure..."

_Hatred and jealousy_. I thought.

"... Happiness. That she's making you happy."

I heard him get up and walk to the sink. His footsteps hesitated for a moment behind me before continuing to the sink. I heard him muttering under his breath.

"Ugh, var inte en fegis."

I closed my eyes tighter and stopped the flow of tears. I wiped my cheeks and cleared them of the salty evidence of my pain and lifted my head, brushing my bangs out of my face.

I opened my eyes and sat, staring at my hands. Felix sat down in front of me and smiled.

"I wanted to ask, will you be my Maid of Honor?"

I felt my heart ripped from my chest again and bit my tongue to keep from screaming.

I smiled and spoke softly.

"Of course. I'd love to."

His eyes lit up and he stood, trotting over to my side. He wrapped his arms around from the side and squeezed tightly.

I closed my eyes to keep from crying. I wrapped my arm around his side and held him tightly. I held him for slightly longer than necessary, trying to absorb it and burn the feeling of his arms around me into my mind.

I let him go eventually and smiled.

"I'm gonna head over to Cry's. We had a...a gaming session planned for today. It's going to be an all-nighter, so don't wait up. I'll... I'll see you tomorrow."

He nodded and smiled.

"Okay. See you tomorrow."

He walked me to the door and waved as I walked down the driveway. I waved back with a smile and walked down the street to Cry's house, five doors down.

I knocked on the door and waited, containing the tears. Cry pulled open the door and smiled.

"Hey. What's up?"

I smiled and looked at my feet.

"Can we talk inside?"

He nodded and opened the door to it's full extent, stepping out of the way. He gestured for me to come inside.

I walked in and stood just behind him as he slid the door closed.

"So, what brought y-"

When he turned around to me I fell into his chest, sobbing hysterically. Cry took a step back in surprise, his arms splayed out for balance, but they wrapped around my back and held me close as I sobbed against Cry's chest.

He gently rubbed my back and used a soothing tone and soft voice.

"It's alright. What happened?"

His voice was deep and soothing; he was using the one from his "Cry Reads" videos. I clung to his shirt and cried, my tears flowing without any hesitation.

I calmed down and took a deep breath.

"My heart has been ripped apart. Run through a shredder. Destroyed."

He gently lifted me and carried me to the couch. He sat beside me and held me. I bit back more sobs and took a deep breath. I gently turned to face forward, without leaving his grasp, and leaned into him.

"Felix told me he was going to propose to Marzia. I nearly cried right then and there, but I didn't. Thank goodness for self-control. But... Then he asked me to be his Maid of Honor, and i almost lost it. I managed to get here before I started crying, but..."

Cry hugged me tightly and filled in the blank for me.

"But this is the first time you've cried in months."

I nodded and held him, my face buried in his neck. He held me tightly and nuzzled my hair.

I was feeling vulnerable and angry. I wanted to get back at Felix for hurting me like that. I was thinking of ways to get revenge when Cry pressed his lips against mine.

All other thoughts vanished, except for the ones about Cry and how soft his lips were. I leaned against him and kissed him back, feeling his hands on my head.

I wrapped mine around his neck and pulled him closer. The need for air arose, so we pulled away reluctantly. His cheeks were flushed and my own got hot, the feeling of Cry holding me chasing the pain away.

But, all too soon I remembered Cheyenne.

"What about Cheyenne?"

Cry smiled and held my face gently in his hands.

"She's on vacation. This can be our little secret."

I pulled away and stood. All the pain came rushing back in a huge wave.

"Am I the other woman?!"

He shook his head and stood, taking a step towards me.

"Just for now. We'll break it off when she comes back."

I shook my head and turned away, walking towards the front door.

"No. I won't be the other woman. I won't hurt Cheyenne like that."

I walked away from his house and into the forest. I walked through the trees and towards the cliffs. I my phone beeped with messages from Cry. I stopped and looked down at the screen.

_I'm sorry. _

The message was sent in various forms, but all meant the same damn thing.

_I'm sorry._

I glared at the screen and typed a cold, angry message.

_You had a chance. You blew it._

I pressed send and blocked him, not wanting to hear his worthless apologies. His betrayal sent me over the edge.

I walked to the cliff and sat down, feeling the wind in my hair. I pulled my gun from my pocket and stared at it, glaring at the hard, black, cold metal that could end all the pain.

I looked back at my phone and pulled up Felix's text window. I scrolled back a few days and read back through the messages.

All the times I had been ditched for Marzia were recorded on that screen.

All the times she had taken my Felix away from me...

I decided to give him one more chance. If he showed up, I'd postpone it. If he didn't... He wouldn't get to say goodbye. A text had popped up while I had been at Cry's house.

"I'm about to do it. Wish me luck! :)"

So that was it. He was gone. I sent the text and turned off my phone. I raised the gun to my head and waited.

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**Ugh, var inte en fegis: Ugh, don't be a coward.**


	3. Chapter 3: What happened to Marzia?

Felix walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my sides, gently kissing my neck.

"Got some coffee going there?"

I looked down at the fresh pot of hot coffee. I let my hands fall to my sides and just stared at the pot.

"What happened when you proposed to Marzia?"

He seemed to slump slightly, saddened at the thought. He squeezed me slightly and spoke softly.

"She laughed in my face and broke up with me on the spot. I walked home and saw your text."

I relaxed into Felix's arms and sighed.

"What? She didn't fall for the charms of the infamous Pewds? I'm pretty sure fan girls' ovaries explode whenever you so much as take a shit, much less ask them out."

He giggled and squeezed my sides. I felt his bare chest against my back and sighed.

The thought popped back into my head of his bare chest. The way his clothes hung on his slim frame. The way his slightly muscular arms crossed over his chest when he got mad. The way his torso slimmed down to his hips...

I allowed myself to imagine down to his knees before I stopped. Felix was just holding me, his eyes closed. I poured some coffee in my mug and some for Felix. I walked over to the other counter and Felix followed, his arms still wrapped around my sides.

I maneuvered over to the corner of the counter and made him hit his hip on the edge while protecting my own. He immediately let go and grabbed his hip, falling to the ground, groaning.

I knelt beside him and giggled softly.

"Oh no! He's been shot! Someone call the hospital!"

He glared at me playfully and pretended to choke.

"Oh no! He needs mouth-to-mouth! I'll go get his mom!"

He spluttered in laughter and lay on the floor, clutching his hip and his side. I laughed and lifted him into my lap. He giggled as i watched him. He pulled me down beside him and rolled over on top of me.

I cried out in protest and pretended to be crushed, falling back and holding my breath. He giggled softly and pressed his lips against mine.

After a moment he pulled away and stood up, pulling me up beside him. He kissed me softly and walked over to the counter, retrieving his coffee.

He downed it all in one gulp, setting his cup in the sink. He turned and leaned against the sink, deep in thought. He pulled me over and held my hips, keeping me pressed against him. He looked at me and smiled.

"You'll be living here, right?"

I was stunned.

"Are you asking me to move I with you?"

He blushed softly and smiled. I tapped my chin and smirked.

"I dunno. How can I trust you not to try something in my sleep?"

He giggled and kissed me.

"You can't. You're too damn beautiful."

I nuzzled his neck.

"You might not have to fight for it either..."

He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me softly, his tongue pressing against my lips. Someone knocked on the door as I parted my lips and allowed his tongue to slip into my mouth.

He pulled away and gave an exasperated sigh. I pulled away and sighed.

"Resume soon?"

He nodded as I walked to the door. I opened the door and found a tall, stocky man standing at the door. He looked me up and down with a strange look on his face.

"Are you Tamiko Ohkawa?"

I looked him up and down and nodded slowly.

"Who are you?"

He smiled and spoke softly.

"My name is Daniel Ohkawa, and I'm your father."

I staggered backwards and gasped. I flashed back to when I was four years old.

* * *

_"Do you really have to go?" _

_My dad nodded and frowned. _

_"Yes, sweetheart. I've gotta go. I'll be back, though. I won't be gone forever." _

_I smiled and hugged him tightly. _

_"Okay. I'll miss you!" _

_He held me to his chest and hugged me. _

_"I'll miss you too, pumpkin."_

* * *

Tears filled my eyes and my hands flew to my mouth.

"Daddy..."

I flung myself into his arms and held him tightly. He held me in his arms and rubbed my back. Felix walked to the door and looked out.

"Who was at..."

He looked at the scene and gasped.

"Little Felix Kjellberg? Is that you?"

My father turned to Felix and smiled. I pulled away and smiled at Felix.

"Felix, this is my dad."

Recognition flashed through his eyes and he smiled.

"Mr. Ohkawa!"

Stayed slightly distant, but smiled warmly.

"Well, you have amazing timing!"

My dad looked puzzled and turned to me. I shrugged and stared at Felix.

"I was going to ask if I can date your daughter."

My dad just stared at him for a moment. I thought he was going to refuse, but he smiled and nodded.

"I can't stop her, even if I tried."

I smiled and hugged Felix. My dad laughed softly and laid a hand on my shoulder.

"I've gotta go. I'm moving in down the street."

I smiled and nodded.

"I'll come help some time soon."

He smiled and waved as he walked down the street to a house on the corner. I closed the door and leaned against it. I smiled and pulled Felix closer.

"Wow. He approved of the infamous PewDiePie."

Felix giggled and kissed me softly. Someone else pounded on the door just as I was about to speak to Felix. I turned and opened the door to find Red standing with Scott, Snake, and Jund.

She had tears in her eyes and streaming down her cheeks. I gasped and walked out to her. I pulled her into a hug and held her tightly. A small sob escaped on my shoulder.

"Russ... He went into the forest on a hike... He was supposed to be back two days ago."


	4. Chapter 4: The Pack

**Hey guys. It's not Starflight today. She's sick. I'm posting for her. School's started, so she can't post as often as she wants to. She wrote this for you guys.**

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I felt my senses heightening. I pulled away slightly.

"Where was contact last made?"

She pulled out a map and gestured to a little dot.

"Where was he going?"

She pointed to another dot farther north.

"Alright. Let's go find him."

I knew where the place where he was last contacted was. It was a common hide-out of mine.

I walked to the trees and followed a trail of wolf-prints north. My pack usually camped near the spot.

The trail wound slightly, but usually headed straight north.

The scent of wolf grew stronger as we drew nearer. Red was clinging close to my side as we wound through the bushes. She wasn't fond of forests, and it got dark and scary at that point. I turned and gave her a reassuring smile.

She smiled but still clung close to my side. We broke into a clearing with a rocky overhang leading into a cave.

A pack of huge wolves was lounging around the clearing. Their ears all snapped around towards us and the huge heads all turned to look at us.

A large white wolf stalked up to Red and growled at her. I snarled at the wolf and stepped in front of Red. The wolf backed off and hunkered slightly.

I whispered for everyone to wait at the edge of the clearing. I stalked into the clearing and up to the entrance of the cave. The white wolf snapped at my sleeve, her teeth clicking together where my arm was before I moved it.

I turned slowly. And glared at the wolf. She realized her mistake and hunkered down, her tail between her legs. I slapped the wolf across the face and growled. She whined in defeat and backed away.

I walked into the cave and looked around, allowing my eyes to adjust to the dim light. Wolves lined the edges of the cave, all having backed away from a tall figure slumped in the center.

I knelt beside the figure and rolled him to face the cave roof. Russ's battered face turned up, eyes closed, a scratch mark on his cheek. I prayed for a lack of bites, but found on on his shoulder. I cursed and sighed.

I lifted him over my shoulder and walked towards the exit. A large gray wolf stopped me. He shifted to a man and glared at me.

"Not so fast. We need to replenish the ranks."

I glared up at the fairly tall man and growled.

"From what?"

He glares at Russ's slumped form.

"He took out a wolf when he found the clearing."

I sighed and shook my head.

"Who was it?"

His hard look softened slightly.

"Jake."

I shook my head and sighed.

"Poor kid."

I looked back to the man and sighed.

"I still have to get him out."

The man bared his teeth and pressed an arm into my chest. I glared into his eyes and bared my own teeth.

"Don't test me, brother. While I stand on these grounds, I'm pack leader. Sam and Grace gave the role to me."

He hesitated before letting me through. He ducked his eyes slightly as I passed. I walked out of the cave and Red ran to my side.

She pulled Russ onto her shoulders. I walked to where Felix was standing and smiled. He twinned our fingers and smiled.

I walked back along the trail and out of the forest. Red hoisted Russ into her car and hugged me, thanking me softly.

I smiled and whispered for her to get Russ to the hospital. She left after a moment and Snake and Jund hopped into Jund's car. I smiled and walked over to Felix's house, pulling him inside.

I closed the door and leaned against it, sighing. Felix walked into the living room, flopping down on the couch.

I flopped down beside him and laid against his chest. He wrapped an arm around my back and turned on the TV. He flicked through the channels until his favorite show came on. We watched for a while, just relaxing, until I heard faint snoring.

I looked up at Felix and saw his eyes were closed. I smiled and kissed him softly.

After turning off the TV, I laid back down against his chest and closed my eyes, drifting into sleep.

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**Starflight should be feeling better soon, and the chapters should be a little more frequent, she's just sick and has a lot of work. She's probably have a new chapter in a week or two. anyway, you might see me in later chapters if Starflight can't post. Bye guys.**

**-Toothless**


	5. Chapter 5: Announcement

**Hey guys. **  
**I think I'm going to drop this fic. I have a lot of schoolwork and homework, plus all of my other fics. **  
**I may finish this later, or if it's requested enough.**  
**I'm just busy with other works and stuff.**  
**I'm working on a book (I'm going to try to publish when it's finished) and all of my other fics, not to mention all of my homework.**  
**If you want more, message me. If not, I'll drop the fic. I'm just super busy. **  
**Sorry.**  
**Bye guys.**  
**-Starflight**


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